Posted by
SquiddyPopPerkyJean on Friday, June 08, 2007 11:44:50 AM
My older brother 'Moe Howard' wrote this one a couple years ago, but it is still applicable today. 'Moe' is a professor at the University of AZ, a trained gunman, has seven kids (two in the military) and is the other political 'extremist' of the family.
What things really mean
We used to call lies and insanity "BS," but now we call it "PC." There are a lot of things that people say that mean something different.
- "We want a ceasefire." Translation: "We're getting our butts kicked, and we want time to regroup and attack again later."
- "That's hate speech!" Translation: "What you have said has hit the nail on the head and exposed our sins to the world, and we don't like that."
- "Tax cuts for the rich." Translation: "Letting people keep what belongs to them and not punishing them for being successful."
- "It's not fair to give tax cuts to the rich!" Translation: "I feel animosity toward people who are successful and I just hate it when good things happen to other people."
- "What about the old people/children/poor people/handicapped/etc.?" Translation: "No old people, children, poor people, handicapped people, etc., are in any real danger from what is happening, but I have no logical argument for my position, so I am going to try to trick you into an emotional response by using them."
- "Bush lied, people died." Translation: "I have no brain, so I am subject to brainwashing by stupid chants that have no basis whatsoever in reality."
- "[My favorite minority group] should have the same rights as everybody else!" Translation: "[My favorite minority group] should have special programs and privileges that pole vault them over others, but we must also be able to maintain the status of victimhood that we have manufactured to further our agenda."
- "We need gun control!" Translation: "I hate people and I don't want them to be able to protect themselves. I want criminals to have a fair chance to rob, rape, and murder."
- "Meat is murder!" Translation: "I'm anemic and I look like a corpse."
- "No, those pants don't make you look fat." Translation: "No, those pants don't make you look fat. But your huge butt does."
- "I've been sexually harrassed!" Translation: "Hey! I just found a great way to make a lot of money by suing my company!"
- "I'm not selling anything." Translation: "I'm selling something."
- "The story in this e-mail is true and has been verified." Translation: "I'm forwarding this as it was sent to me because I am easily sucked into believing the spectacular, and I don't know that this is just one of approximately 50 billion existing versions of a story that was never true in any form."
- "You're so intolerant!" Translation: "I hate it that you have standards of morality, because it makes me feel guilty that I am a slimeball."
- "Power to the people!" Translation: "Power to the leftist elite! Screw the people!"
- "This is a photo of the devastation that the U.S./Israel has poured out on innocent people." Translation: "This is a doctored photo that we are recycling to trick people into siding with the terrorists."
- "I don't take sides in the Hezbollah-Israeli conflict." Translation: "I hate Jews and want Israel to lose to the terrorists, but I don't want to admit it in public."
- "I did not have sex with that woman." Translation: "I had sex with that woman, but really, look at her. Would you admit it?"
- "We must have immigration reform first!" Translation: "We're not going to do a thing to stop the invasion of our country."
- "My printer wasn't working, so I couldn't turn it in on time." Translation: "I haven't done the assignment, and I'm too much of a dope to think of a decent excuse."
- "I read it for the articles." Translation: "Hubba hubba!"
- "I did not knowingly take steroids." Translation: "I really hope that you'll believe I gained 85 pounds of pure, lean muscle in 3 months."
- "French military" Translation: "Gay men in uniform waving white flags"
- "Evolution is not a theory. It's a fact!" Translation: "I believe that a fact is something that somebody says over and over again, even when there is overwhelming evidence against it."
- "She comes from a nice family." Translation: "She's freakin' ugly."
Come on, people. Let's just tell the truth!